sleepy monty
Originally uploaded by omg.jessen

here's a monty...

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

this song is an absolute, perfect description of my mindset right now.

Ok... the part where the trinity guy breaks his own sons' fingers has turned me off Dexter forever. But i still want to know what happens in the end :[

what did the turkey do that it has to be 'pardoned'... what a bizzare ritual. I bet future people will be as freaked out by our 'customs' as we are by the incas and egyptians.

I think I understand why I had a panic attack the other day...

When I had to drop off/pick up Po I had to travel through North Sydney. The last time I was in NS I think was... 2006? I used to go there practically every day, because a girlfriend of 18 months lived there. I haven't been back there at all since breaking up with her, no real reason to go there until I had to take Po to the vet.

I think going there triggered unconscious memories. For a day I turned back into my old doormat self like I was with my ex, and felt old feelings of helplessness and anxiety, since 2006 was pretty much the height of my anxiety problems.

Certain places trigger memories for me.. I avoided going to Parramatta for a long time because another ex lives there. I was more afraid of remembering our relationship than I was of bumping into her, I think, although that was a factor.

I feel a lot better today althought slightly depressed for some reason. I have a therapist appointment today.

By the way I talked to Natalie about how I felt about my trans issues, and it went well, so I'm pretty happy with that.

Monty is sick but I got some medication for him and I think he'll be ok. He just has a run of the mill URI.

i feel sick with myself. I want to hide, but that's actually the least constructive thing I can do right now. I need to be doing the exact opposite of that. i feel horrible.

Po and I are home, finally. We are both very tired. Big day for the 2 of us.

I have so much to do in the next few days I don't even know what I'm doing. Basically the next week or so involves:
Photographing 3 seperate events, including a huge gay rights march.
Hanging/opening 2 exhibitions.
Researching the hell out of mural design and getting started on it
Volunteering for 2 more big art projects I don't know the full details of yet
Finding time to go to a therapist appointment I missed because of all this busyness

I was wishing for something to occupy my time. be careful what you wish for i suppose.

My brain is angry at me. I haven't been sticking up for myself, haven't been calling people on their BS. I am disappointed in myself.

(12:29:07 PM) Grimmorph: Yeah, and I LOVE San Francisco. So gorgeous, so friendly. ;_;
(12:29:16 PM) Grimmorph: Some of the best months of my life were spent in that area
(12:29:26 PM) Jack: lol my ex called me from there once and was FREAKING OUT abput the rainbow buses
(12:29:58 PM) Grimmorph: Yeah, San Francisco is faaaaabulous! :D
(12:30:14 PM) Grimmorph: I saw a legless midget in the most amazing absolutely flamboyant rainbow motorized wheelchair

My idea for the mural was approved!!!!!!!
I should be painting it before christmas!!!!!!!

it's driving me crazy not being able to start now!!!!!!

SCREEEEEEEEEE!!!!

in half an hour i have to leave to take Po to the vet in North Sydney, to get her spay operation.
I'm so scared for her! I can't even comprehend how they do surgery on such a tiny, fragile little animal.
I'm sure she'll be okay though. David Vella operates specifically on exotic animals and has a lot of experience.
It will be a huge relief when she can be with Monty again.


kasabian is the best band ever

• 08:28 Currently Browsing: is.gd/51gXB Times article on veganism #

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I am amazed everyday at how far I've come from what I was.
A miserable, helpless, borderline sociopath, to someone who loves life and loves people and is making something of their life.

I still have a long way to go, and it would have been nice if my development wasn't delayed 20 years by my upbringing.
I know I can do it, though.

What were once the most straightforward activities become a constant ordeal. You might think that it’s as simple as just removing meat, eggs and dairy products from your diet, but it goes a lot deeper than that.

To be a really strict vegan is to strive to avoid all animal products, and this includes materials like leather, silk and wool, as well as a panoply of cosmetics and medications. The more you dig, the more you learn about products you would never stop to think might contain or involve animal products in their production — like wine and beer (isinglass, a kind of gelatin derived from fish bladders, is often used to “fine,” or purify, these beverages), refined sugar (bone char is sometimes used to bleach it) or Band-Aids (animal products in the adhesive). Just last week I was told that those little comfort strips on most razor blades contain animal fat.

To go down this road is to stare headlong into an abyss that, to paraphrase Nietzsche, will ultimately stare back at you.

--------------------------------

its so true.

Full Article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/opinion/22steiner.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

You have to read this stuff, it's great.

On the subject of AGW-skeptic's scientific papers:

From: Phil Jones
To: “Michael E. Mann”
Subject: HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL
Date: Thu Jul 8 16:30:16 2004

I can’t see either of these papers being in the next IPCC report. Kevin and I will keep them out somehow – even if we have to redefine what the peer-review literature is!

Cheers
Phil


Quote Eddie Izzard: "Oh....silly, silly man."

• 18:29 Currently Browsing: is.gd/50Rl6 the intelligence of corvids #
• 21:09 Currently Browsing: is.gd/50Wf0 e-mail system of leading climate research unit has been breached by hackers #

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Climate scientist's emails were hacked, some very questionable things were revealed.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8370282.stm

http://www.anelegantchaos.org/cru/ [database of every email. there's thousands]

most relevant emails here: http://bishophill.squarespace.com/blog/2009/11/20/climate-cuttings-33.html

some hi-larious spin: http://scienceblogs.com/islandofdoubt/2009/11/the_hacked_climate_science_ema.php?utm_source=mostactive&utm_medium=link

From: Phil Jones
To: ray bradley ,mann@xxxxx.xxx, mhughes@xxxx.xxx
Subject: Diagram for WMO Statement
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 13:31:15 +0000
Cc: k.briffa@xxx.xx.xx,t.osborn@xxxx.xxx

Dear Ray, Mike and Malcolm,
Once Tim’s got a diagram here we’ll send that either later today or
first thing tomorrow.
I’ve just completed Mike’s Nature trick of adding in the real temps
to each series for the last 20 years (ie from 1981 onwards) amd from
1961 for Keith’s to hide the decline.

I’ve just completed Mike’s Nature trick of adding in the real temps
to each series for the last 20 years (ie from 1981 onwards) amd from
1961 for Keith’s to hide the decline.

I’ve just completed Mike’s Nature trick of adding in the real temps
to each series for the last 20 years (ie from 1981 onwards) amd from
1961 for Keith’s to hide the decline.

Is that why it's so damn cold outside when you're telling me it's not, guy?

I have to say I'm getting quite a kick out of this.

reading about neuroscience gives me a great sense of comfort.
i have lots of brain quirks, and to read about other people who have them, and are considered 'sane', is comforting to me.

i don't really believe there is any such thing as 'crazy'; the only people who are crazy are people who believe they are crazy, and the people who tell them they are crazy, because they are threatened by difference.

i have adhd, nld, dyscalculia, tourettes, and ocd.
i can taste colors.
i was born female but i see myself as male.
i have four distinct personalities in my head which govern what i do, the dominant one being a small, furry, blue owl-rat that can't speak but can still communicate.
their personalities are as real to me as 'outside' people.
beautiful things make me cry.

i am stark raving mad.
and i like it.
how about you?

http://scienceblogs.com/neurophilosophy/2009/03/voluntary_amputation_extra_phantom_limbs.php

this article explains the map of the body that the brain has, and how you can percieve your body differently if your brain map doesn't align to your external body.
i wonder if this is the case with trans people. for example, ftms... their brain map is male while their external gender appears to be female.
i also wonder if this is the case with otherkins, therians and people with phantom tails/ears.

speaking of tails, i'm looking for someone who can make me a nymf tail. i feel like i need it.

i wonder if all forms [there are at least 60] of synesthesia can be learned.
After all, you have to be taught to read - whether its through sight, or touch [braille] and this is synesthetic.
i want to teach myself.


i think a lot of my posts make me sound like a stoner.